Alton Brown Ruined Christmas

So, it's Christmas Eve in the Glass Needle house and plans for Christmas dinner are not yet finalized. You see, plans were up in the air as we awaited the arrival of a new bundle of joy and we wanted to be set for a Christmas Baby (Baby arrived on the 5th Day of Christmas, but that's another blog post). Finally we settled on going to my sister's house for dinner. And of course we needed some sort of food adventure, ideally one that required an empirical test. We do so love our empirical tests. Ham was decided upon. And mashed potatoes. Naturally. And what else goes with ham and mashed potatoes? Biscuits of course!

Now, you have to understand the place biscuits hold in our hearts. There were many weekend morning where we'd throw together a pan of biscuits and brew pots upon pots of coffee when sis and I lived together. I got pretty good at the biscuit making. Light, fluffy, moist, crumbly, biscuits are a wee little slice of heaven on this earth.

The second bit of background information that is very important is Alton Brown. Yes, Alton Brown of Good Eats is a veritable god in our humble opinions. Who doesn't love his show? His cook books are an education in science and food. Alton Brown's procedure for BAKING brown rice instead of hoping and praying it came out ok on the stove top changed my life. I have perfect brown rice each and every time! And OMG his brown rice salad??? Not only does it involve bacon, which we all know is awesome, it solves the problem of how do you transport dressing with your salad for a tasty lunch. Why you cook the dressing RIGHT INTO THE RICE!!! Genius! Pure genius I say!

Upon receiving Alton Brown's baking book some time ago, Sis and I vowed that we would have a Biscuit Bake Off. Biscuits are a chapter on to themselves. He writes how he perfected the biscuit procedure and finally settled upon a recipe that rivals all others. He even states that were he the kind of person who entered baking contests, he would enter these biscuits and he would win. Now that is a biscuit to behold! We must have these biscuits!!!

Well, now wouldn't Christmas be the perfect time to dive into Alton Brown's ultimate biscuit recipe?

You see, it's an edgy recipe. It's daring. It's risky. It's not your normal recipe. IT INVOLVES AN EGG! Yes, that's right. An EGG in your biscuit!!! GASP!!!!!

We decided not to go with the empirical test method. We were going to do a traditional biscuit along side Alton Brown's new crazy method. But no! We would trust the fate of our Christmas dinner to Alton Brown! He would never do us wrong!!

Oh, how wrong we were.

We painstakingly followed each and every step of his recipe. We even WEIGHED all the ingredients! We were leaving nothing to chance. Not that there would be anything to chance as Alton Brown would never ever lead us wrong. I held back the disbelief as I cracked an egg in to my biscuit dough. Yogurt was involved also. Alton Brown dedicated a full page to a crazy kneading method involved parchment paper. He tells you the dough will be very wet and sticky and shows you how to knead with the parchment paper as a dough prophylactic so that you do not end up with "Club Hand" where you fingers are encased in dough.

Well, the dough was wet and sticky as promised. So wet and sticky that kneading even with the paper was unsuccessful. Club Hand occurred anyway.
So wet and sticky was the dough that cutting with a brand new shiny biscuit cutter, bought just for this day, mind you, was impossible.

The biscuits would have to be.... gasp.... dropped. Drop biscuits! I was reduced to drop biscuits!!! Oh the horror! Oh the humanity! I had to leave the kitchen for the drop biscuit procedure as to not cry and see my little heart break. Drop biscuits, as we all know, are not proper biscuits. Drop biscuits are a biscuit failure.

The drop biscuits baked and were eaten, but sadly, they were not the highlight of Christmas dinner. Taste wise they were OK but they made my mashed potatoes sad.

Alton Brown, thanks for ruining Christmas.

Running of the Brides - A tale of failure and carnage

The Baby sister/Bride to Be (B2B in Bridal code) and I, the humble MOH (Maid of Honor) participated in the Running of the Brides this week.

WARNING: This story contains graphic depictions of bridal carnage. Reader discretion is advised.

This annual event pits rabid brides in an epic struggle to find a super cheap designer wedding gown. Basically, Filene's Basement clears some floor space, dumps some gowns and unleashes hoards of hopped-up brides to compete in a test of strength, will, and negotiating skills.

Brides line up in the wee hours before the 8am opening.

And of course, the media is in attendance to capture the blood sport.
Apparently, bringing a team is crucial to your success. While matching outfits are optional, colorful markings can make you easy to spot in the sea of tulle and beads.

We thought we prepared. We were hydrated, full of tasty oatmeal and we properly limbered up, flexing elbows and doing the I-WILL-fit-into-this-dress hip wiggle. But nothing, not even a viking helmet could prepare us for the hysteria and cut-throat mayhem was about to take place.
The doors open at 8am and by 8:01am there is not a single gown left on a rack. Now this is where your team comes in. Brides and their pack of followers bum-rush the floor grabbing EVERY SINGLE GOWN THEY CAN GET THE CLAWED HANDS ON. It does not matter if the gown is your size. It does not matter if you even like the gown. YOU MUST ACQUIRE A MOUNTAIN OF GOWNS. Why you ask? So you can trade. You sit atop your mountain of bridal fluff and send out your search parties who wander the floor screaming "I need a size 6 strapless white ball gown, will trade size 12 empire". Signs also come in handy here "Will trade for size 16!". "Vera Wang! Will Trade for VERA ONLY!". So the more people you bring with you, the more dresses you hoard, the better your negotiating power is.

Since the B2B and I were not the first in the door, we did not even get to touch a gown for about a half an hour. We wandered aimlessly, dressless and dejected, until the now mostly naked brides began discarding the rejects and you could snap one up if they deemed it to have no bargaining power.

We successfully acquired several promising gowns via stealth, humor and begging, and the B2B, in her power panties and strapless bra found an unoccupied corner to slither into our prizes. We found one dress that was lovely, an ivory chiffon halter top "goddess" type dress. But alas, it was not "THE one".

By about 9:30am, we decided to make a calculated retreat. I was wounded and we needed to regroup and consume more coffee.

After about a half hour, we regrouped and dived back in. The frenzy had apparently abated, and you could view, first-hand, the extent of the carnage. Discarded gowns littered the floor. Limp plastic garment bags were stuffed in the racks. Broken hangers littered the ground. It was not pretty. But by this time, battle weary employees were managing to get gowns back on the racks so us unfortunate scavengers who did not come with a sizable army could actually touch some dresses.
By 11:30am, after three and a half hours of rampaging brides, the B2B decided to raise the white flag and admit defeat. "THE Dress" was not here. Sad and dejected we left for lunch.

To sum up - Was the Running of the Brides worth it? Yes and no.

The B2B was looking for something very specific. She wanted a light flowy, not too formal dress. The majority of the dresses there were of the ball gown style - beaded bodice, big skirt, long train. Good for a big church wedding, not for a ceremony on a beach, in August. The place was full of, as the B2B put it "there was nothing at the sale except for piles of stepped on 1980’s rejects and bad Project Runway wannabes." Not that there is anything wrong with that, just not what she was looking for.

The deals were good. The gowns had price tags of $1200 and up and were selling for between $249 and $699. But they were also filthy. These gowns are the floor samples from bridal shops, so they've been tried on, sweated in, stepped on. There were makeup stains, pulls, broken zippers. There were some stunning gowns, but on the whole, I didn't feel it was worth the repair/alteration and cleaning costs.

I'm glad we went, it was a great experience, but sadly, "THE Dress" was not there.

Cookie Madness - Sour Cream Pastries

Sour Cream Pastries are MY cookies. I'm very surprised that I even share a single one. I am very generous apparently. They are prefection in a cookie, light flakey dough, sweetness, coconut... anything with coconut is good in my book. This year, conroversy erupted when Little Sister decided to pervert the goodness by using raspberry jam. Why meddle with perfection? She's crazy. So we had to make two batches so that the originial goodness would not get corrupted with her new-fangled ideas.

Please note that the overnight rest for the dough is critical. The dough must be COLD. This is the one cookie that can only be made in winter. I tried making them in summer, in Japan, during the rainy season. I will not even describe the mess for fear of tainting your ideals of cookie perfection.

These are the best cookies ever.

Sour Cream Pastries

1 c. butter
2 c. sifted flour
1 beaten egg yolk
½ c. sour cream
½ c. apricot preserve
½ c. flaked coconut
½ c. finely chopped nuts
granulated sugar

With pastry blender, cut butter into flour until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Combine egg yolks and sour cream, blend into flour mixture. Chill overnight. Divide dough into 4 parts, keeping each refrigerated until ready to use. Roll each part into 10 inch circle on lightly floured surface. Spread with 2 tablespoons apricot preserves, sprinkle on 2 tablespoons coconut, 1 tablespoons nuts. Cut each circle into 12 wedges. Starting from wide end, roll each wedge into a cresent. Sprinkle with sugar. Bake on a ungreased cookie sheet at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or lightly brown. Cool on rack. Makes 4 dozen.

Christmas Cookie Madness - Nowacoski style

The ubiquitous Christmas Cookie - The stuff of legends. I think every family has a story or a tradition of baking up bite-sized morsels at holiday time. Our family is no different. I don't think I can remember a Christmas without buckets of cookies. Some of these treats are only trotted out for the holidays, some are year round favorites, some are experiment and empirical tests (oh the failures are plenty!) This year, the Cookie Madness began on Thursday of last week.

You see, the youngest daughter of the clan got an idea into her head. Yes, that is as dangerous a proposition as you would suppose. She has been obsess with cooking blogs of "The Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie". I'm sure she'll post the link to the original article. "Let me esplain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up." A crucial component of these goddesses-cum-cookies are the fact that you are to let the dough "mature" by several days of resting in the icebox. So in order to have a true blind-empirical-taste-test, I flipped to the good old Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip recipie and whipped up a bunch for a 48 hour rest in the fridge. More on this experiment later.

Then on Friday, the Mamajama declaired that we simply had to have Oatmeal Carmelitas. I have vague memories of this bar cookie. When Cookie Madness would roll around I would say "Mom let's make those carmel things" and somehow they never actually got made. So its been like 20 years since these cookies have graced our holiday preparations. But since that is where Cookie Madness began this year, that's the first recipe I'll post.

I give you....

Oatmeal Carmelitas

Crust

2 cups all purpose flour

2 cups quick-cooking rolled oats

1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon baking soad

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 1/4 cups butter, softened

Filling

1 (12.5 oz.) jar (1 cup) caramel ice cream topping

3 tablespoons all purpose flour

1 (6 oz) pkg. (1 cup) semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup chopped nuts

Heat oven to 350F. Grease 13x9-inch pan. In large bowl, blend all crust ingredients at low speed until crumbly. Press half of crumb mixture, about 3 cups, in bottom of greased pan. Reserve remaining crumb mixture for topping. Bake at 350F for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in small bowl combine caramel topping and 3 tablespoons flour; set aside. Sprinkle warm crust with chocolate chips and nuts. Drizzle evenly with the caramel mixture; sprinkle with reserved crumb mixture.

Return to oven and bake an additional 18 to 22 minutes or until golden brown. Cool Completely. Refrigerate 1 to 2 hours or until filling is set. Cut into bars.

All has not been quiet on the crafting front

Life has been busy, and the blog has suffered. I hope to remedy that shortly.

First up - Today is Thanksgiving! On the menu is turkey (of course), mashed potatoes (of course), Brussel sprouts, butternut squash, cheese, snacks all sorts of goodness. The kink in the system was Claire. She decided to practice her knife skills at 6am yesterday and ended up with 5 stitches in her hand. Thus we have a new Nowacoski Family Cooking Rule - No handling knives unless you have had 2 cups of coffee or it is after 10am. The first Nowacoski Family Cooking Rule is only one Nowacoski in the kitchen at a time when boiling water is being transferred from one location to another. I'll leave you to ponder why that rule was instated.

Adventures with the Mamajama

The Mamajama and I spent a FABULOUS day in the city yesterday, shopping an schmoozing our way up the West side. We hit up Macy's first, then up to the UWS for a inaugural trip to Knitty City . Yes, ok, I've lived here how long and I was Knitty City virgin? But now I've gone and I loved it - Great selection, good prices and friendly staff. Even though i almost decapitated another customer by starting a falling-domino chain of events from one shelf to another finally knocking a kit off a top of a book case, I think it was great...

While I was there I picked up some Lambs Pride Bulky in Onyx for the BF's hat - I think I might finally finish it this time! Ok, it started as the Anarchy Irony Hat from the Happy Hooker. He really wanted it but he has a bit of a big head... and when I say a "bit" I mean "gigantafrickenoremous". So I tired the original pattern and it was no good. Tried using a bigger hook and it was way too lose in the stitches to act as any sort of warming device. Failure abounded... So I finally gave in, bought the bulky wool, and it's going much better. I'm doing a simple beanie-style pattern (so not the original from the book) but I'm still going to add the anarchy symbol when it's all done. So now he can stop harassing me :)

I also picked up "Not your Mama's Crochet" from Amy Swanson - love some of the funky patterns - after I finish the hat and Frou Frou I'm going to start either the Straight Laced Shrug or the Pseudo-Kimono... thought he Pea Coat is awesome too...

Smells like wet sheep and boiled Kool-Aide!

-
Mmmm... a smell like that means that I've been up to some of my own dying! There we some serious tangle issues with the skein - due mostly to my own fault - but I finally got it all undone after the cat got regulated to the bedroom (to her dismay) and I worked from the back to ball it and then got around to skeining it correctly.

As you can see from the pic, I was attempting to do a gradient fade from dark grape (mm - warm artificial grape smell!) to purple. However, I don't know if it was the yarn I used or if it was the vinegar I added to the dye bath but it soaked up much quicker than I thought it would... so instead of a gradual fading it goes from a super dark quarter to a much lighter quarter to a basically un-dyed half. I kinda like it though - looks really nice as it dries. Hopefully it'll be all set to go by the time I get home so I can take better pics.

I think my next set are going to be a series of "monster" colors for gifts - I'm thinking of designing little monster cozies for friends cellphones/MP3 players for the holidays. So a purple and green mottled one, a red and orange set, and maybe a yellow-green-blue mix... Any other ideas?

Why I have not been so crafty and why I might have to start again (or The TV knows me too well)

So I’ve been the third and rather quiet one here, and that’s because I’ve been rather slow on the crafty front for a while. No big projects, just a small stroller blankey for a friend who just had her first baby (modified version of the Sock Monkey from Happy Hooker) and seriously not much else. Instead of craftyness, I’ve been more into cooking recently, but that’s the topic for a different post or even a different blog.and I’ve been in 2 weddings and all the prep for them, all sorts of family stuff from my side and the BF’s and works been cookoo. And miss kitty, Her Highness Spyro Von Mittendorf has been making a royal fool of herself recently in her tiny little cone after getting fixed.

But now I don’t think I can use the excuse of chilling in front of the television to veg out, because, well, I think I’ve spent a little too much time there. It’s now responding to my thoughts.

See last night, I was curled up on the couch, nursing my cold and the BF gets up to go to the bodega next door. I’m reading but he has the Mets game on in the background.

BF: “Do you want anything?”
Me: “I kinda could go for some ice cream”
BF: “Well they have the bars downstairs”
Me: “Nah, I want like a tub of Ben and Jerry’s not the tiny little bar”

Then I SWEAR I hear one of the Mets announcers – pretty sure it was Ron Darling – say “Did I just hear you turn down Ice Cream?!?”

OMG.
The TV is now not only listening to my conversations, it’s commenting. I had to hide from it for the rest of the night because I was freaked out by it.

I think it’s time to pick up the hook again before Keith Hernandez adds his 2 cents in. Because then I’ll REALLY be freaked out.

Why I should have listened to the voices in my head....

So I finally bit the bullet and I sat down last night with the new pattern and how much yarn it's going to take for the two throws I wanted to do (see earlier post).... Did the math...

CRAP
(sorry mom)

Not going to be enough. Not even close. It would be more of a pillow cover (granted a large pillow, but still) than a throw. The voices in my head at the yarn sale that told me to buy extra, but alas, I chose not to listen to them. This is one situation where I can think that it WAS a good idea to listen to those voices... despite what the doctors say.

So I'm either going to completely frog what I have and start over - mind you, this would be the 6th time - and try to find an ok pattern this time around... or give up for now and try to find coordinating yarn at another time to make it big enough. I'm thinking option 2, a) because I have a list of things that I really do need before Christmas b) because I think I might snap if I have to work on it right now.

But maybe now I'll finally finish the hats I drunkenly promised my friends a while ago :)

By the way...

Just want to point out that while it may be "hip" to craft... I am not a hipster. I will allow my sister the fact hat she has been living out in the country for a while, but down here hipsters are rather particular sub-genre of urban dweller. Like all sub-genres, there are more, shall we say outre members of the community... who kinda give the whole group a bad name. Like the idiot I saw in 97 degree weather riding a bike and wearing a fur lined ear flap hat. I'm guessing he looked "cool"... did I mention it was August?

Why you shouldn't decide to do a DIY Holiday the last week of November...

I rather dislike giving presents that really have no function or just doesn't fit into someone's life style... Like I have a rather nice porcelain picture frame from a friend's mother that is quite lovely, but it happens to be covered in Irish proverbs and a whole lot of shamrocks. Which would be fine, if I was Irish. But with a long incomprehensible Polish last name, it some how doesn't really fit me or my home decor.

Two of my really good friends have gotten engaged to wonderful guys, and I wanted to make them some thing special for the holidays... and a really late engagement present. Suddenly it struck me - nice soft warm crocheted throws! Function, style, and the DIY aspects of it all made sense.

Too bad I only got the yarn last week.

A whole week, and you might think I have gotten somewhere... alas no. Apparently I have been having a pattern issue... or rather a pattern interpretation issue. I started one pattern, a simple sc/tc combination worked in rows across. Sounds simple, but I could not get the foundation chain right for the life of me. Tried it like 4 times, nada. Couldn't get it to add up right. Fine...

So I switch to a granny square pattern... looked really nice, but it did have one main issue... the pattern itself was not symmetrical. Which when I finished a block, it looked great, but the nonsesicalness of it not being even was driving me up a wall. I mean, why on earth was it not the same on both sides?!I did it like 4 times, and still made no sense.

On to the third set! I went to my trusty favorite block book, 200 Crochet Blocks, which I should have just done in the first place. Did a couple of demos in the yarn I'm using (Lion Brand Color Waves in "Pebble Beach" and Red Heart Casual Cot'n in "Black Grape" - not the greatest stuff to work with, but hey, I'm cheap!) and found 2 blocks I like so I can alternate them.

So I have 3 3/4 blocks done. Out of 40. I think these might be more New Years gifts... or even Valentines Day at this rate. Sigh... but should be making more progress that I have some idea of what's going on.

The Cast of Characters

My dream is to get the whole Gang involved in this little blog project so I thought I'd introduce the Cast of Characters to you.

May I present....

The Mamajama. Matriarch, Enabler. The Mamajama is the driving force behind GlassNeedleArts. It is her dream to have a shop and share her obsessions (and nuttiness) with the world! The Mamajama's current obsessions are: Knitting, quilting, tatting, just about anything that gives her an excuse to go to a craft store.

Poppy. Patriarch, Driver. Poppy begrudgingly humors our crafting madness and is ever so kind to drive the Mamajama on said craft store adventures. Oh yeah, and he makes the most fabulous stained glass creations you could ever imagine.

Claire. Crocheter, Mensa Brat. Claire is the hipster in the group, keeping tabs on the fashion trends and what the cool kids are doing. And yes, she really is a member of Mensa. Brat.

The Russians. We may on occasion make reference to "The Russians". You see, we are not a normal family. The Bro, his wife and the neices now live in Russia. I could tell you why they are there but then I'd have to kill you. Loose lips sink ships.

LeeLuu. Pug Monster, Direction Eater. Ah, the joys of the pug. LeeLuu loves to help with crafty adventures by getting her curly tail tangled in the yarn you're working, or eating directions, laying on your freshly washed fabric, or getting scrapbook paper stuck to her feets. She's very helpful. Bonus points if you can tell me where her name comes from!

Amy. Action Plan Girl, Tinkerer. Yup this is me. I do a little bit of everything. From knitting to origami.

Now, on with the show!!